Growing up, my media intake was confined to a handful of games on the family desktop or the rare movie on our tiny, black VCR. My parents chose to limit our digital connection and our family was the better for it. Anabaptists have typically approached technology with reservation, but in the Digital Age, technology grows ever more portable, more necessary, and more ubiquitous. These days, living tech free isn’t feasible. Nevertheless, parents have the responsibility to protect their families from the pitfalls of plugging in. The Big Disconnect tells the difficult, but necessary facts about these dangers.
Psychologist and educator Catherine Steiner-Adair exposes a paradox: in this age of limitless digital connections, families struggle to maintain real relationships with each other [p. 7]. Family has always been “a private, protective realm for children,” but the screen invasion is destroying those defenses. As technology joins the family, it is changing child development. Meanwhile, parents and children alike are too distracted to notice.
From newborns to teenagers, Steiner-Adair explores the unique hazards of technology for each stage of development. For babies, the verdict is simple: “everything an infant needs to thrive happens off-line” [p. 75]. Research shows that too much screen time, too soon can affect brain development, interfere with proper bonding, inhibit emotional maturity and lead to ADD.
Equally damaging, however, is the content that digital media promotes. According to Steiner-Adair, “the average American child sees pornography now at eleven” [184]. Pornography, violence, and skewed ideas about gender rob children of their innocence. But then mix in social media that “encourages impulsive action” and teaches that it’s “cool to be cruel” – only disaster awaits.
The closing chapters call parents to step up. Not in a “scary, crazy, and clueless” way, but in an informed way: leading by example, listening well, and setting limits. Technology need not be a mortal enemy – if kept in check.
With over 20 pages of sources, the book is well researched, but real stories from the author’s clinical experience keep it approachable. It’s sobering, however, to read many of the stories she records. Taken alone, many of the excerpts (from social media, interviews, or counseling sessions) are offensive and vulgar. But in context they are only a sad reflection of our culture.
The reader should keep in mind that Steiner-Adair writes from a secular viewpoint, and read accordingly. While Steiner-Adair doesn’t push her worldview, references to “play therapy,” “sexuality in all its fluidity,” and “Mother Earth” deserve a raised eyebrow. However, her admonition that parents “take responsibility and engage actively” rings true.