When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch is one of those books that I’ve heard about—even had on my shelf—but never actually read. Perhaps that’s because it addresses a problem far easier to see in others than ourselves. Sure, we all felt insecure as teenagers or bowed to peer pressure sometime, but chronic people pleasing? Not my problem.
And yet, how often do I feel like a failure when I compare myself to others? What about frustration at a boss or spouse for not treating me like I deserve? How easily do I end up overcommitted because I can’t say no? Have I ever been embarrassed to tell someone about Jesus? The Bible addresses one sin common to these disparate scenarios—the fear of man. This problem is so universal and so multifaceted that the one who can’t relate is the outlier. Indeed, “fear of man is such a part of our human fabric that we should check for a pulse if someone denies it.”(17).
So what is the solution to this universal malady? Secular psychology calls the problem low self-esteem. We feel insecure about our failures and the solution is to realize how valuable we truly are. Many Christians have adapted this idea to say that we need to realize how valuable we are in God’s sight. Welch says these systems identify the problem, but miss the solution: “The problem is that we really are not okay. There is no reason why we should feel great about ourselves” (29). Instead, the solution to the fear of man is the fear of the Lord.
Welch demonstrates the simple fact that “what or who you need will control you” (14). Fundamentally, we don’t need people to love us and accept us and respect us to be happy. Instead, our deepest need is for a holy God to have mercy on us and forgive us. Like the fear of man, fear of the Lord is multifaceted. We rightly begin with terror when we realize our undoneness before a holy God. But there is a special kind of fear for the Christian—a fear that leads to worship, to trust, and to respectful submission in obedience.
The man with low self-worth doesn’t need people to affirm his importance; he needs to lose his self-focus in living for God’s glory. The woman in an unhappy marriage may rightly wish her husband loved her more, but her happiness is not dependent on changing his attitude. She needs to know that God can give her the power to love her husband and have peace even if he never changes.
It’s not just that God fulfills all our unmet desires. Rather, seeing God for who he is changes our desires and turns the focus off of ourselves. Welch gives the example of Isaiah, who preached judgment without fear of man because he had seen God in his terrifying majesty; of Job, who got perspective on his suffering when he saw God’s greatness; of Daniel, who disobeyed the king because he feared God more than the lions. In a real sense, the fear of the Lord is freedom. It frees us from depending on others to make us happy. It frees us to love our enemies. It frees us to stop trying to please everyone. It frees us to be self-forgetful. Welch puts it this way: “The fear of the Lord simplifies life” (228).